So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
