My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
