If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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