hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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