i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
