Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
