dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
