party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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