Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
