he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
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they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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