I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
