I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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