break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
