She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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