Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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