i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
