I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
