I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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