Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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