We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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