First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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