You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Actions speak louder than pants.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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