I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
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Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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