My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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