Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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