She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
