Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
