can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
