I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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