I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
