We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
