She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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