I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
