I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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