So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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