we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
