You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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