Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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