I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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