Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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