hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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