Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
