M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
