She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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