Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
