How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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