I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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