I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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