so that wasnt chicken after all
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
