this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
