my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
