I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
