you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I want to fling myself into the sun
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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