I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
