She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
nutella sex= disaster
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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