The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
