she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
