I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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