haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
please come you make the beer taste better
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
