I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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